Dear Meg:

You wrote that you “have never really been an adult without him” –

A child is naturally attached to her parent, even if it is an abusive parent (often even more so). A child needs the parent for safety, as do other mammals: we are born needing the parent. When a parent is abusive, we hold on to any and every positive behavior on the part of the parent as “proof” that we are in good hands, with a person who can and will take good care of us.

You wrote that you “see glimmers of positive things and hold onto them”- like a child. Lots of people don’t mature in the following way no matter how old: they do not see the object of attachment (parent, husband) as she/he is. They do sometimes but then dismiss what they saw and see only a little bit of the picture, a corner of it, and ignore the rest. Not holding on to the whole picture for long, a person remains confused.

You painted a clear picture of your husband on this thread. I can see him. Problem is, when he is around, you dismiss that picture and you hover over a little brush of color here, there, isolated little areas of color, glitter.

anita