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Father issues

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  • July 23, 2017 at 5:50 pm #159776
    drew
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    im currently 22 and living with my dad when as I start my business and finish up classes online. Weve had a very strained relationship, however after my parents got divorced 4 years ago, he has said he wanted a better relationship with me. He has a first wife and a daughter with her who has abused me emotionally, phyiscally, and mentally, by attacking me, making her dog attack me, stealing my stuff etc etc. My dad is dating the first wife again and Obviously we dont get along due to her not caring about her daughter attacking me nor having done anything nice for me. While i do say hi to her, my dad says that is not enough and says we can not have a relationship due to this. Its very upsetting, and my mom offered to help my pay for rent, as I can not afford one when starting my own business. Any suggestions on what to do.

    July 24, 2017 at 5:41 am #159826
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi drew,

    All you owe your (half? step?) sibling and her mother is politeness.

    Your dad cannot say “Have a relationship with these folk if you want one with me”.

    Tell him “I always let people have their own relationship with each other. We do have a relationship, Dad. We’re just not that close.”

    It is his choice whether to have a relationship with you and to what extent. If he puts artificial limits on it, OH WELL! This nonsense going on in his head is probably why he got divorced twice!

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
    July 24, 2017 at 6:42 am #159860
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Drew,

    I am a little confused, who was it that abused you? Was it your Dad’s wife, or her daughter? I’m sorry for any confusion on my part, I just want to make sure I am understanding correctly.

    TYour Father States he wants a better relationship with you. A better relationship includes trust, openness and honesty. You have to be willing to trust him to be honest and open with him and vice versa in a loving way. If there is no trust, or you are afraid to approach someone on an issue regarding physical abuse without fear of shame, their can be no relationship. I would open up to your father about everything. If he gets defensive or angry, just say “I’m sorry, I thought you wanted a better relationship with me, I was hoping we could have a trusting and loving conversation about something so upsetting for me”. If he gets angry or defensive, he does not want a “better relationship” keep us posted.

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