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Dear Mina:
Indeed your self torture is unwise. It does no good, not to you, not to anyone at all. You wrote: “A new person will come again and I will love again”- I believe so. Only notice: better you love in a different way, a way that does not include you sacrificing yourself and feeling guilt over the parts of his life you have no … part of, no responsibility.
Regarding information I am lacking- I have very little information about your relationships with your parents. I remember you sharing that they pressure you a whole lot to study, something I believe is difficult on you. You wrote that your dream was (or is) to get married and have a family. I think you want to get away from the pressure by your parents to study and make a prestigious, well paying career for yourself.
I wonder what is the relationship with your parents, how do they keep the pressure on, how do you respond… what are their expectations of you in this coming semester.
anita