Leocube,

I hope that today you discover peace and happiness in your life and that you find more people in and around your life that will embrace you with the love you need.

The title of your post, “This is a rant, but please feel free to comment, I love to hear what you think.” raises a few questions I have that I hope you don’t mind answering. The first question is, what does your doll think about your “rant?” My other question is, if you prefer to adopt a lone wolf mentality, why would you “love to hear what” people think? Why would you care what others think my friend? I understand the lone wolf metaphor you use, however what Peter has posted, some insight by Lou Kavar, is a something I hope you consider, and, I am interested in your opinion of Peter’s post. As I peeled back the layers of your post I got a strong sense of much anger imbedded in your life. It reminds me of a story I was told many years ago…An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

I think you have been feeding an angry wolf my friend. There is no use for such anger my friend. Sure I have been angry in my life many times. But that moment of anger allowed me the opportunity to question myself, as to why, of all the possible reactions available to me, why would I, why did I, choose anger. It’s about ownership my friend. I owned that choice. Not a good choice either. In the final analysis I realize anger does not serve me well, in any way. You said, “I want to move far away and leave everything behind and just live out the rest of my life with my doll, who understands me the most.”  In moving far away, to wherever you wish to go, realize that nothing will change. Life will continue. With reference to what you said about your doll being the one thing that “understands me the most,” one thing I got from that is that you have a long standing history of isolating yourself so much that for any person to understand you, it really isn’t a question of why people don’t understand you, it is more of a question as to why you prefer to isolate yourself. If you truly want an answer as to why people do not understand you, all you have to do to see the answer is to look in the mirror my friend, and there you will see your answer.

Am I correct in guessing that you getting professional counseling is out of the question? I ask that because in doing so, getting professional counseling, would require you to trust someone to understand you. I am not sure why having other people understand you is a threat to you.

I wish you the best.

Pearce