@coconut: yes it was the same with my previous relationships. they were understanding and loving (at least in the beginning like your ex bf until they couldn’t take it anymore). i did say i would change, but i never did. and i think i never really intended to. i just didn’t know how. it was too hard. my ex for example had a huge group of friends, drank a lot and went out a lot, where there were a lot of girls too. he was a nice guy who was friendly with anybody. it made me feel so insecure. now with my current bf he doesn’t have any female friends át all. it’s basically my dream circumstances that i always wished for, he doesn’t have a huge group of friends, well he does but they’re all married and seem to be family people, so no excessive partying. doesn’t have female friends. now that will sound really messed up but i have to be honest with you guys, he has a pretty small family and they’re not even close by, which i love as well. he doesn’t have a mom who gets too involved in his life which annoyed me so much in the past. i have to say – it might be wrong – but the circumstances are perfect for me. this is exactly what i wished for. even his personality and traits are what i wished for. well not the complicated part, but everything else. i had a list of how my ideal man was supposed to be like and he is almost everything of it. the one thing that he doesn’t like to show feelings. someitimes i wonder if it’s so important, isn’t it enough when i can feel it (when we’re together)? do i really have to hear it?

yes it might be true, i only accept his behaviour because i feel guilty. i’m not perfect either so who am i to expect a perfect man. maybe it’S true what people say. you only accept the love that you think you deserve…. to be honest, sometimes i think i really deserve exactly this. we will see… and about the happy/unhappy thing. but what if i change and just make myself happy without relying on anyone else to make me happy. and everything concerning him is just a plus in my life?! maybe this is the way to go? hmm we will see how it goes. i wanted to wait and see how it goes the next few weeks.