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4 years and still not over him

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  • November 25, 2017 at 10:40 pm #179415
    Cj800000
    Participant

    SORRY SO LONG. I don’t know what to do. 4 years ago I met J through a mutual friend. He came from another state to visit. We hooked up. He went back home. Keep in mind, hes 9 years younger than me. Then we connected again in facebook. We had a 6 month long, long distance relationship. We said I love you and we talked about our future together and about marriage.
    Finally, he packed his stuff and moved here so we could be together!
    BUT. 2 days after he got here he told me he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. So I broke it off (maybe in was in the wromg for doing this?) Anyway after I broke it off he was with another girl from here not even a week later. I cried everyday for months. I wanted hI’m back and couldn’t understand why he didn’t care, or why he came all thus way jusr to tell me he didn’t know if he really loved me or not…
    Fast forward to 1 year later. He’s still with the same girl and we both still living on the same tiny town. I blocked him on facebook. 6 months later I unblock him and he friends me (at this point I think I am completely over him) WRONG! 2 years later, he’s liking all of my posts and all of my  pictures and he’s messaging me saying he should have stayedwith me. (I have made it clear that thete will NEVER be anything between us again.) These are regular messages. I NEVER message him first. Finally I unfriend him on facebook. I’m over him, or so I think. Until I see him at the gas station, minutes later he messages me and asks why I unfriended him. I tell him because, everytime you and your gf are having problems you message me saying you should have stayed w me, and to tell you the truth, I still thoughtabout you ALOT. He says he won’t do it anymore. And friends me again.
    4 years later. He’s still with the same girl. And now he snapchats me randomly just chit chatting. I know deep down in my heart that he is just playing games. He knows I willalways message him back. CAN’T GET OVER HIM! I THINK ABOUT HIM EVERY SINGLE DAY! how do I get over him??

    November 26, 2017 at 5:05 am #179447
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Cj800000:

    Maybe the reason you are still not over him is that the two of you live in “the same  tiny town” and there is simply no other man available for a relationship with you. If so, your last memory of a possible romantic/ love partner is this man and there has been no one to replace him since. Can it be?

    anita

    November 26, 2017 at 7:16 am #179461
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Cj800000,

    You can do two things, (1) is he has been with that girl for quite some time now, but has made it clear he does not seem to be very happy in this relationship with her. In a way he is being disloyal to you by flirting his ex (you) by liking your pictures, snapchating, and so on, communicating with you. If he says he should have stayed with you, I am sure he is not playing games, and wants to see if you both can try things again to “get the spark back”. If you are still not over him, you can risk being hurt again and have closure by meeting up with him, and talking to him in person rather than random texts, facebooking, and snapchating and seeing what happens. However, keep in mind that he seems very unsettled in his life, very lost and confused. He moved here, told you he loved you, broke your heart, and two weeks later, did not grieve over you, instead jumped into another relationship with another woman, while the whole time telling you “he does not know what he wants”. From the sounds of it, he clearly sounds like he “does not know what he wants” and if you both were to get back together, could you fully trust him? Or would you worry about him not knowing what he wants, leaving you, flirting with other women in social media etc? Your (2nd) option to get over him, is to have no further contact with him. If you see him at the gas station, don’t talk to him or make polite conversation with him. Just get in your car and go to another has station. Block him from Facebook, snapchat, and all other social media. Don’t text him at all, e-mail, follow him on Social media, respond to his flirting, liking your pictures. You will just make your self unhappy and miserable and it will make it harder to get over him. Try to have zero contact with him, so you can find a man who deserves you. You can’t park a new car in the garage when the old one is still in there. Let this woman have this emotionally unavailable man, so you can move on to someone better. x

    November 26, 2017 at 12:17 pm #179497
    Peter
    Participant

    You have to stop doing this to yourself. You have to break all contact and remove all reminders. Cold Turkey. There is no other way. If you continue to play the game you are choosing to lose.

    If choosing to play the game is a authentic choice live it authentically without judgment or complaint you will soon learn what you need to learn from it and move forward. Its the wanting to stop but not wanting to stop that is keeping you stuck

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