Dear Anita,

Yes it is good evidence. It will either help (be beneficial) or not hurt. I know this. And of course I need to be stable and centered in order to be a good support to others.

Your point about the exaggeration is so true. I don’t feel I ever allowed myself to see this. As I would hear the mother voice: why do you think she is exaggerating, what- so you haven’t ever felt like that?! So when you acted that way we didn’t say you’re exaggerating and now your poor sister struggles and That’s your response?!

not to say that my mother would actually say this in regards to my sister. But she would surely in regards to herself. Because : she never ends.

absolutely. If it’s a wedding it’s about her. Future grandchildren about her. If my father is sick it’s about her (well if he’s gone I’m all alone).  An extreme level of self absorption that is done in such a “woe is me” self deprecating sort of way that it may trick someone. For it is not in the classic entitled self absorbed woman (think- queen like narcissist who thinks the world revolves around her). My mother is exactly that person and actually worse. She isn’t just the “diva” that thinks the world of herself, she takes it miles beyond and also the “sad soul” that needs saving. Using either persona on a given day depending on the response she needs. Superior in one breath, helpless in another. Almighty in one sentence, victim in the next.

And exaggeration is a key point. I notice the similarity between her and my sister in that: they will go to great lengths to show the severity of their situation. And as soon as you (I) absorb it and reflect on it and say wow that is terrible I do understand – they immediately snap back to superiority and defense mode:

”oh well it’s not that bad. Oh it’s not like I’m the only one who deals with this, anyone in my shoes would. Oh what you haven’t felt the same, you don’t understand”

Hook and bait.  Then self imposed importance  defensiveness