Wow Shawn.  Thank you for being so vulnerable here.

It sounds like life is just plain overwhelming for you.  I wonder when “all this mental stuff” started in your life.  Did anything trigger that?  It sounds that once stress, depression, and fear kicked in you have not been able to move through it.

You mention how you mother was. That is an obvious source of where this is coming from.   I would not give up on seeing a therapist so quickly.  Usually most issues what drive us to therapy takes a while to work through.  The effectiveness also depends on the therapist and the relationship you have with him/her.

In the meantime, can you do activities to take care of yourself like exercise, meditation?
Mark