So a little while ago, I made a post about how my older brother sexually abused me when I was in about 3rd grade, and while I wasn’t in any way traumatized by the events, I felt obligated to come forward about it, and I felt like I would be living a lie if I didn’t, but at the same time I didn’t feel like coming forward would help me in any way, and I realized that my parents are likely to try and hurt themselves if I come forward. I confronted him a while ago and he broke down apologizing, and he explained that he had been abused at a camp the summer before it all happened, and he had been completely scarred. I got some great support after I posted here, and I felt a lot better. But I’m having another problem.

So the abuse took place when I was in third grade. He was a freshman in high school. Eventually, he stopped. Oddly, we were still close after it happened. Like I said, it didn’t traumatize me, I didn’t really realize what was going on, and by the time I did, I was able to make sense of it and move on. During that time I was rightfully furious at him, and I still haven’t completely forgiven him, but I know that he feels extremely guilty and has changed.

But recently after my last post, I started remembering some mildly inappropriate comments he would make even after the abuse ended. It wasn’t anything even close to the shit he did when I was in third grade, but it was enough to really creep me out looking back on it. And now I’m worrying if he’s a pedophile. And if he is, I’m worried that if I don’t come forward, he’ll hurt another kid. I don’t think this is a rational thought, I think this is my OCD. I don’t think he would hurt another kid. You’ll just have to take my word for it. I’ve known him my whole life. When I confronted him, he said child molesters are disgusting, and he said how much he hates them. But a part of me wonders if he’s a pedophile, and what he did to me wasn’t just an isolated incident because of the trauma he faced. And I’m freaking out all over again. He’s on a two year trip with little to no family contact, so I can’t talk to him about this. I’m just terrified that he might still be attracted to children, and I don’t know what to do about it. I do not want to come forward under any circumstances. The reactions of my family would traumatize me more than the actual abuse ever could have. But the fact that I’m remembering mildly creepy shit he did even after he stopped the abuse makes me worry if I’m putting kids at risk by not coming forward but I can’t tell if that’s my OCD or not.