Dear Anita,

Happy Friday.  I hope you had a good week.  I did have a good week.  I noticed myself thinking many new thoughts often which I had tried to force myself to think in the past.

For example, I woke up thinking about how our life on this earth is so short, so if we can spend it with good kind people -what else matters? Why should we ever choose to do other wise?

Something this simple was difficult for me to absorb prior, as my mind was complicated with all else.

I also woke up thinking about how important it is to nurture the good people, relationships, and times you have in life.  Instead of taking them for granted, send your focus there. What you focus on grows – it can be that simple.

The issue is that it becomes quite complicated to send focus somewhere when are minds are boggled with: what is important? How can I just send my focus THERE? Shouldn’t I be sending it everywhere? How can I just focus on THIS.  In my case I often felt guilty exerting my focus on say 1-2 important things (example, my job and husband) – it felt that it can’t be that simple – don’t I have to send focus to more places? (job, mom, sister, friends….then husband..).

Where did that get me? It got me into a place where I was a burnt out ball of stress, jack of all trades master of none – or more importantly – spread out so thin that nothing was nurtured.  

I see that I was my own road block to simple happiness, and of course, keeping the relationship with my mother as my first and foremost priority – and keeping her emotional instability as my main focus – allowed that to grow.  If my focus is on something negative, toxic, and unstable – it will sure grow – into a monster! That gets bigger and bigger.  While I, and my true self – diminish smaller and smaller.

I also see that by focusing on more than what is “important” it does not truly allow those other things to grow in any sort of substantial way.  This goes back to our conversation while I was on vacation, the comment about myself accommodating my sisters ups and downs does not help her, me, or anyone – it leads to nothing productive.  another example is myself focusing on my “job” of being social doesn’t necessarily make myself feel more fulfilled, or the other party.  There is no use, it is all in vain, it is all a facade.

On the contrary, allowing yourself to deliberately take focus and nurturing of what serves you, and the good people in your life – that is quite fruitful and fulfilling.