Hello, I am 22 years old and I really need some insights from more experienced people. I am gay and I am an english teacher, I work at an english course since last July. At the course, there was this student who is 3 years older than me, he wasn’t my student. He was my colleague’s student but he always seemed curious about me. I tried to keep myself professional, and not get too involved, but he would casually flirt with me, and I would intimidate him everytime he tried to make me embarrassed. He would stare at me directly, he would ask me out, and i would not back down, i’d go with the flow, in a playful way. Finally, one day, after the Christmas break, he seemed very interested and out of nowhere he just pushed me against the wall and kissed me in a place in the back of the school. After it, I got very excited and lost a little bit of my best judgement. He invited me to his house and I went, we played video games, watched animes and musicals. I did like it in the beginning. The problem started when I realized he didn’t want a serious commitment. He wanted to keep seeing other people, exchanging ideas, flirting with other people.  It became very clear when we were talking over the phone his intentions one night:  he said he was skating with another guy who came from another city just to see him. He said he didn’t do anything with him, the boy was just a “fan”. This made me very disappointed, I was expecting a lot more from him, he seemed a sweet guy with a confident, positive energy in the beginning. I was very clear about my expectations with him: I said I didn’t want to feel dispposable, that if he was talking to other people I would rather be alone, and not get to know him in depth. We agreed on just seeing each other, and if he wanted to see someone else, we would split. I didn’t trust him anyway but decided to give it a try. As the month went buy and we kept seeing each other, he kept telling me about boys hitting on him and he would stare at other boys, always trying to position himself as dettached. I was feeling dispposable anyway, despite the talk we had, but I put my act together, and just tried my best not to care about this. Until, finally, one day, there was already a bif of stuff left unsaid, an awkward silence. I could feel the resentment building. I checked his phone, for me,  a classical signal of toxic relationships, and saw he marked a hookup with another person. The hookup didn’t happen. I was feeling very sad tho. That day I decided to immediately quit before it became dramatic and intense. We kept talking to each other on the following weeks, he tried to understand what happened, I just said I had something very different in me, that when i am with someone i just have eyes for that person. We decided to be friends. It was a good choice, he was clearly taking me for granted as a date. I became friends with his friends. Friends he denied to introduce me to when we were lovers, although I introduced him with no problems to my family. I feel now mixed things for him: One part of me is okay with being friends, he is not that perfect anyway – he treated me quite badly indeed. Another side of me really wishes he would fall in love, I saw potential in our chemistry in the beginning. Honestly, I feel lighter now, without all the distrust I felt, all the paranoia inducing situations we were, I am able to let go and be more of myself. We approached things with different attitudes. Something in me wishes things could be restored, but just from reading what I wrote I see that there’s nothing to be restored. Our friendship though, is going on an easier direction. I came out of this situation decided not to rush things anymore. I decided trying to be friends first with the next person, with no intentions for romantic or sexual involvement. I never experienced naturally developing romantic feelings with someone without this pressure of dating and already knowing that we’re gonna kiss and make out. I guess this is the natural way to fall in love, when you two just really want to be together, and suddenly stop to realize that what you feel is love. Am I right? This direction I am going is definitely not working. Do you realize how clear my new friend’s intentions were since the beginning? He didn’t ask me out, he didn’t try to get to know me first, to spend time with me and understand what made me tick, he just pushed me against the wall. I was ingenuous enough not to perceive where he was coming from nor to put my foot down and impose my honest perspective before it went down a certain direction. Not my fault though, he could have made an effort to get things right . But I feel sort of grateful that life gave me a lesson in love, every new person teaches me a new thing. I also gained new friends that injected some sort of positive energy in my personal life that was quite lonely tbh. Please, give me advice and share your stories. I am commited to living a positive life and won’t settle for less than this.