Dear Lucas:

When we believe things about ourselves that are not true to reality, we suffer, and we are prisoners of our own mind. You believe that you are selfish and greedy (“I often wonder if I am not being selfish and greedy”) and that you deserve therefore to feel pain (“A big part of me says very strongly that I deserve to feel pain”).

Yesterday, at a preschool, a shy child gave you a hug. It warmed your heart. His hug was evidence that yesterday, in your interactions with that child, you were not selfish. It warmed your heart.

That experienced filled in that metaphorical cup.

But there is a hole at the bottom. The hole is that belief that you are selfish and greedy and that you deserve pain. I do hope you work  on this belief, this core belief in therapy.

anita