luminary22,

I am sorry that you are suffering and struggling.  I believe we don’t heal by pushing though things.  It sounds like you learned from your upbringing that abusive/cheating men are normal if not unconsciously desirable.

I invite you to look into your parents (probably your dad especially) in understanding what sort of behavior they showed you about love, relationships, acceptable behavior.  This sets our unconscious belief system and drives what we are attracted to for relationships.

Once we understand where it is coming from then we can bring such consciousness to the surface.  Having outside help (therapy) is usually the way of reprogramming our beliefs into something more healthy.

Take care,

Mark