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Am I not good enough?

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Peter 6 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #197681

    luminary22
    Participant

    With all men I have been with, I have either been in an emotionally abusive relationship, cheated on or most recently left out of the blue when things seemed perfect.  I know finding love isn't everything but it really has made me question whether I will ever be good enough to keep anyone and made me worry whether people are embarrassed to be with me. I know you can't tell what a person is like via forums on this website but I was just wondering whether anyone else has felt like this and what they did to push through it because it is really getting me down.

    Thanks 🙂

    #197699

    Mark
    Participant

    luminary22,

    I am sorry that you are suffering and struggling.  I believe we don't heal by pushing though things.  It sounds like you learned from your upbringing that abusive/cheating men are normal if not unconsciously desirable.

    I invite you to look into your parents (probably your dad especially) in understanding what sort of behavior they showed you about love, relationships, acceptable behavior.  This sets our unconscious belief system and drives what we are attracted to for relationships.

    Once we understand where it is coming from then we can bring such consciousness to the surface.  Having outside help (therapy) is usually the way of reprogramming our beliefs into something more healthy.

    Take care,

    Mark

    #197701

    anita
    Participant

    Dear luminary22:

    You wrote: “I  know you can't tell what a person is like via forums on this website”. True I can't tell what you look like but if you share your thoughts and feelings, your experience, through an ongoing communication on a thread, there is a whole lot I can learn about you. You can learn about others as well, if others share honestly about their thoughts, feelings and life experiences. You can choose what to share and now much of it to share, but as long as what you share is honest to you, it will help me understand.

    On the other hand, how common it is that people who lived with each other for years and decades (such as parents and children as well as romantic partners) know so little about each other, other than looks and trivia, that is. Don't you think?

    If you would like, do share about any of your relationship. If you do, I will reply, maybe ask you questions so to understand better, and we can communicate that way, learn more.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by  anita.
    #197855

    ally
    Participant

    I have learned through personal experience “we accept the love we think we deserve”  unfortunately if you do feel deep down you arent good enough – then we unknowingly attract people who validate that feeling. It starts a vicious cycle. The first step is for you to heal that part of yourself. It takes a lot of work and is sometimes hard but when you feel good- you will attract good. Hope this helps <3

    #197867

    Peter
    Participant

    I suspect the thought of being good enough crosses everyone mind especially at the end of a relationship. Its important to take responsibility for our stuff so asking ourselves if there was something we can learn, do better can be helpful however we must be careful not to take on what does not belong to us and that we don't attach our sense of self to the acceptance of others.

    That you ask the question – You are good enough

    7 Things to Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough

    Why We Should All Stop Trying to Be Good Enough

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