Dear Derek:

Excellent job, in the relationship, if I may say so! Excellent, realizing that you project your self criticism into him and then sharing it with him. I am very pleased. Do it again, then, notice when you are critical of him and shift your attention to yourself, asking yourself, what is it that I am critical here about myself.

The “outer critic” in you that is criticizing him (in thoughts if not in words) is the flip side of the “inner critic” that is criticizing yourself. Often, most often, when people criticize others, they do not realize that they criticize themselves (at other times) for the same or similar things. You are aware, hence my excitement over your awareness.

I think that you are a good person and a good partner and definitely you are on the right path. Keep at it and be gentle with yourself and patient with the process. Post again anytime.

anita