Hey both,

my therapist says that due to my damaged relationship with my father this impacts the men I’m with now but I see no improvement in my behaviour? I scream, shout, throw things I am so bored of the way I am. I guess I should speak to my therapist about how we can try and improve it?

xx

Hi Anita,

Yes – we are taking space while I take some time out for therapy.

My therapist has not yet introduced me to that we are currently talking through building confidence and understanding weather my partner also does things to trigger me as I seem to blame myself for everything.

One thing I am sure about is i do not want to handle situations the way I do so I have introduced myself to meditation and try and do this regularly.

I don’t feel angry towards my father anymore so not sure what’s causing me to behave this way, my therapist says that trauma from the past (my dad being the way he is and I was also in a very scary relationship between 14-18 where he would treat me badly, say horrible things and behave aggressively) has caused me to pick up these habits and with time they will go away?

x

Hi Anita,

I just feel confused because I only behave and have this habit in a relationship.

my boyfriend is not perfect but nothing he does should trigger the reaction I give. If he simply ignores my text or call I can say the most horrible things because I just want to hurt him. I say cruel things, I shout and scream over the most ridiculous things.

I really don’t know what therapy I require? I agree that the hurt and anger arise now with other men due to my father. I’m struggling to feel the pain as I said I don’t feel angry towards my dad anymore.

I blame myself for most of the relationships failing because I cannot control my mouth!

Ive started meditation do you think this will help?

x

Hi Anita,

My relationship with my father when I was young was very scary. As a child my mother told me I hardly ever cried or threw tantrums and if I think back properly I can remember feeling too scared to show emotion. I was always so scared my father. He always created a really horrible energy, my mum was also really scared of him so he put fear in us all. we would behave in a way so he would not kick off. He was a very angry man would start arguments with my mum/brother for no reason. I remember a lot of bad arguments which happened probably on a weekly basis.

As ive grown older my rather has now stopped speaking to my mother totally and has very distant relationships with his children. He doesn’t talk much and stays up in his room most days. He is a very lonely man but no longer an angry man.

I text and speak to him very briefly nothing deep. It’s almost a none existent relationship. Breaks my heart.

x

• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Missxm.

I think sometimes when I go through my own emotional struggle with a partner I wonder if he felt the same way and nobody was ever there to help him and this makes me sad. It also makes me sad that now he does not have any friends, a relationship with his wife or any of the kids.  I also feel really sad that I never had a chance to feel that protection or love from a father or even have a slight idea of what that feels like and then I just feel like i’ll never be able to control my emotions and be in a healthy relationship.

this all breaks my heart.