Dear Derek:

As to your last question, I think that during five minutes or so after submitting a post, you can click “edit” and edit the post any way you want to. Following that window of opportunity, you cannot delete a post within a thread, nor can anyone do it for you, as far as I know. I have seen a whole thread deleted (following a member’s request, I believe).

When your brother told you: “that was years ago I thought you would be over it”- that was criticism on his part, as in saying: you should be over it by now. You should not feel the way you do. I disapprove of how you feel!

Notice other critical comments on his part, blaming you for this or that. This triggers anxiety in the one being blamed. You, that is.

Notice this: your mother mistreated you before rejecting you  altogether. Your brother perhaps criticizes you repeatedly. For as long as you remain loyal at heart to family members who mistreat you, you will continue to have the urge to mistreat your partner who does not and did not mistreat you.

It is natural for a child, and a natural inclination when you are an adult, to still reach out and to want to be there for family members who mistreat you, usually feeling responsible for the mistreatment. Resist this inclination because it is you and your partner who are paying the price for this loyalty.

anita