Dear Derek:

I was relieved at the part of your account when you got up and quit that situation.

Your partner’s response to you was perfect. Once again, I am very impressed by your partner and do hope this partnership lasts and lasts, if it was up to me, it would last a lifetime.

My insight regarding what happened is the same as your partner’s: “You must be more careful with alcohol because you’ll have more anxiety later and struggle… and (it) is not worth it”.

If you are to spend more time with any of the friends you mentioned, make sure that they know and respect your position to have no sexual interactions, not as an observant and not as a participant, when in their place or their company. Make sure no alcohol is involved when with any of these friends.

You can decide when it is okay for you to have alcohol again, in what circumstances, with whom, and follow your own rules on alcohol use. You can discuss this with your partner and have his help in figuring it out.

You made a mistake, a few mistakes and corrected. This is your opportunity to face mistakes you made and forgive yourself, best you can. This practice will make it possible for you to forgive your partner for his mistakes. After all, if you are forgiven for this incident you described, your partner should be forgiven for his grammar mistakes, for example.

Forgive yourself and forgive your partner. Aim at being kind to yourself and kind to your partner, both of you are lovely people, both make mistakes, imperfect… and lovely.

anita