So she’s in an exclusive relationship with this new guy but continues to text with you and has even confided in you that the relationship she’s in is not like a real relationship. There’s a message in there somewhere.

Before I answer the rest of your questions, tell me, she knows how you feel about her, right? I mean, without sending the letter, she already knows that you love her and want her back?

B

Yeah, that’s what is confusing also.  some of the things she has told me…  mind trip.  Don’t know what she really is feeling. Maybe she’s confused as well…

Yes, i’m sure she knows that i still love her the way i did and would love to be back with her.  At least i think so.  I’ve always told her what she meant to me.  And in our texting, i’ve hinted around that.  But she knows i’m with someone as well.  I think i’m going to tell my current that I am screwed up right now and am still having feelings for my ex.  and that i need some time.  Cause it isn’t fair to my current GF or myself to be doing this.  I really am a good guy.  Doing this is killing me.  I feel like the worlds biggest jerk.  Sucks.

part of me wishes i would of never met my ex.  For me to still feel this way about her.  Feels like i will never be the same again.  Maybe she was “the one”?  I don’t know how the universe works.  I know i’ve read about people thinking they lost “the one”, then they meet someone else that is better…

I just don’t know.  I know i miss her everyday.  Like there is still a hole in my chest.  I know that I love my current GF.  But the love is not the same.  And she is wonderful.  It’s so screwed up.  I’m so screwed up.  there are things that i wish my ex would of done, but she never did(because of all the other drama in her life).  My current does all those things on her own.  I feel completely comfortable around her, and love hanging out with her.

BUT…

She just doesn’t make me feel the same way.  I can’t explain it at all.  With my ex, when i knew we were going to see each other.  I got so worked up and excited-even after a year of being together.  that feeling never changed.  If i knew i was going to visit her after work or something, i would get everything figured out so as soon as i got off work, i was on the road.

She also made me want to be a better man, a better father, better all around.  I had drive, motivation, self respect, everything was boosted!

Now… I feel like i do the minimum to get by. I have gotten better, but i still feel like something is missing.  a part of me is gone and it’s hard to function without it.

When i am with my current GF, i do feel good and happy.  But just not the same feeling as I had with my ex.

Maybe i need to accept the fact that i may never have that feeling again and take what i can get and be happy with that.  I don’t know.  I’m so lost.  and my heart belongs to someone that may never want it again.  God i’m a freakin mess.

I know i’ve been rambling back and forth and stuff.  I do really appreciate you guys talking to me.  getting you’re opinions and advice has been refreshing.  I think the best thing right now is to stop initiating contact.  It will be hard.  Talking or texting her again, it’s brought up so much feeling inside me.  WOW.

One thing though, it is her birthday tomorrow.  Do i send her a text just saying happy Birthday?  or not?  She did to me on mine.