Diagnosed with Depression/Anxiety and lost my job in the same week.

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This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 4 months ago by GL.

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July 3, 2018 at 9:21 am #215225

Mandy
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Ive screwed up and I dont know how to fix it. I feel like a failure. I did fail. I managed to get myself fired.

I have had a good track record at work but the last 12 months have been particularly tough. I seperated from my husband last August and we are just waiting til we can be legally divorced at this point.

I found the whole process exceedingly traumatic and its brought up a lot of issues that have been just below the surface since my childhood. Ive never felt good enough and have always felt I was faulty in some way.

For the last 6 months I was particularly struggling as I had a new boss and we didnt get on and she held it against me that I applied for her job. I didnt get it obviously, but I was who 80% of the office wanted in the job. Other staff commented that she has never been able to get past that. Regardless of that we have always struggle to communicate well, and I felt a little bullied by her by the fact that she wouldnt take my concerns with her seriously, she wouldnt give me any positive feedback and she also would pick on me.for every minor thing but my calls for support when unanswered.

Unfortunately I was falling more and more into a deeper depression without realising it and I didnt back myself properly. I should have made a formal complaint, and not stuck my head in the sand and avoided it a lot of the time, which caused more problems and made it look worse on me. I just sat at my desk trying to struggle with an enormous workload and just not crying at my desk, feeling like if I opened my mouth I would get in trouble, and if I didnt I would still drown anyway.

I was making mistakes and not meeting deadlines. Nothing major but it happened enough times that they started holding it all against me. I wanted support and them to explain and to work together to improve. But my workplace had changed and I was too slow to realise. They didnt want staff who were struggling, they wanted robots to do exactly what they say and not cause waves. Even when I’m well I’m not the robot type of person.

It all may sound like Im delusional, and Im just a disgruntled worker, but im not. My collegues in my office are not happy either for the same reasons, however it didnt effect them as much as me as their workload wasnt as high. They admitted that and couldnt beleive that management were not taking my concerns seriously. Even now they beleive this is unfair. My perspective is all screwed up, so I need to trust theirs.

But regardless, I let them win. My mental health has gotten in the way and now im unemployed, months away from a formal divorce and have a mortgage and expenses. I was in a pretty well paying job, which I doubt I will be able to get anywhere near that high again.

I dont know how I am going to get a new job without a reference from the job Ive had for the last 4 years. And I dont know how I am going to deal with it whilst having to deal with this newly diagnosed depression.

I have been trying so hard and I am still failing. And now I feel so stuck with all my options gone.

July 3, 2018 at 11:53 am #215265

Mark
Participant

Mandy,

That must be a pretty devastating blow for you. You are in high stress mode where you feel you have no options. Are you getting help? Therapy? It is almost impossible to move forward if your brain is in crisis shutdown. That is the first step you need to take in order to help yourself. Afterwards there are steps you can take in order to figure out how to pay the bills until your next job, how to get legal help with your finances with your divorce, how to find a job, etc.

Take care,

Mark

July 4, 2018 at 6:06 am #215343

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Mandy:

Most likely there is mismanagement and dysfunction in your recent workplace (as there is in most) that has greatly contributed to you getting fired. I am certain that there was dysfunction on the part of your now-separated husband that contributed to the separation and soon to be divorce.

I am equally certain that this “below the surface since my childhood” core belief that you are “faulty in some way” has also contributed to you getting fired and separated. Damaging core beliefs follow us (or we follow them) wherever we go. Interesting part, isn’t it, that no matter how materially successful a person is, a core belief such as this voids the good feeling too soon.

I hope you do take the practical steps to take care of yourself, paying your mortgage or moving to a less expensive yet comfortable home, that you will find a better job, even if it doesn’t pay as much. And I hope that you confront your core belief, the one you mentioned and any other that keeps hurting you. I would like to read from you again.

anita

July 4, 2018 at 7:08 am #215309

Shame Loser
Participant

I was in your situation before, totally low esteem and lost, bullied, Self-sabotage.

I had miscarrying my first child since my first marriage back in 2012 was in Chile. After I went back in Bangkok in 2014 for fixing some issues but we get separated in the beginning of 2017 and led me to Hugh depression from 2017-now (also hugh mortgage, changing many jobs, relationship with frn, family went down, fighting issues) and I have been tried hard to dating another persons but always felt the resentment, break up again and again, overall I have never thought to myself that I’m going to be good enough to anybody.

Sometimes life situation led us to the wrong choice, karmic trust, false spiritual. I tried hard to let the whole world define me as this are acceptable, social approval is needed or work hard on figure things..which all time ‘work hard’ for telling the world I will be back to normal but the hugh impact momentum I received was such disaster drama that all fault, I will need therapist, need those and need that, of course we are human not a robot, still need to eat, and earning money. Sorry I can’t well explain in English languages. But I just wish my sharing story can help you to know that you are not alone fighting this situation.

Love

Petch from Thailand

July 4, 2018 at 11:02 pm #215475
GL
Participant
Dear Mandy,

Right now there are too many scenarios that are happening which created this gigantic and chaotic whirlpool of darkness that has block your sight. So all that you can see right now is a bleak future with little hope to hold your hand.
Since it’s all so overwhelming right now, it is suggested that you take one thing among the piles of to dos and break them down into managaeable steps.

Say you want to start a plan for the depression diagnosis, do you have a therapist in mind yet? If not, is there a directory where you can start? You don’t have to contact anyone right away, just have a few options written down.

Per your employment, can your friends help with recommendation? Are there government centers that might be able to help with your starting point and the next few steps?

But remember, its not about doing all of these things at once but rather breaking them into smaller steps so that it won’t be as overwhelming as it was before. It’s okay to take one step at a time.

And there will be time when you’ll just want to just give up or not give a damn and that’s okay too, it will never be easy. But let yourself feel your loss and everything in between. You’ll probably wake up and face the morning with gritted teeth, losing count in the many times you feel life sucks. You’ll feel that it’s too much, everything feels so heavy and you’re so tired. And in those times, the most you can do is keep moving. You force yourself to because there is a light behind that wall of darkness, the one you will have to make yourself.

You’ve started the first step in asking for help, now it’s up to you to keep going.
- This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by GL.
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