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Feeling of emptyness

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  • August 14, 2018 at 10:39 am #221441
    rubia2018
    Participant

    Hello, wanted to get someone’s insight or perspective on this, maybe someone has gone thru something similar. I shared a beautiful intimate moment last night, and it felt good and when it was over, instead of feeling happy, i felt empty. I cant seem to really understand why, i slept it off and forgot about it. This morning, my boyfriend/semi-boyfriend/friend, noticed something was off and weird, as my answers were very short and almost with a bad attitude. I cant help the way i feel and when he asks whats wrong, i cant really say anything is because i thought everything went so well. It was a beautiful night, with beautiful people who are so sweet to me and uplifting, we all enjoyed it. I cant help but wonder, if I do things for others (im a people pleaser) and forget to take care of what i need, and now i have this emotional drain because i feel i have nothing. Might be a self-love problem too. Im trying to see things objectively. *sigh* Humans, so complicated.

    August 14, 2018 at 11:24 am #221461
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear rubia2018:

    You wrote: “I shared a beautiful intimate moment last night, and it felt good and when it was over, instead of feeling happy, I felt empty”- empty and angry (your answers being “very short and almost with a bad attitude”).

    Maybe what happened is something like this: during that moment of intimacy you didn’t think about what is lacking in the relationship with your “boyfriend/semi-boyfriend/friend” (maybe the “semi” part). You forgot, so you were able to enjoy a moment of intimacy. Soon after you remembered what is lacking, what is not right with the relationship, so you lost the good feeling and got angry.

    Do you think this is what happened?

    anita

    August 14, 2018 at 11:28 am #221463
    rubia2018
    Participant

    Thanks for the reply! I dont know. We have been talking about this moment for a long time now, and i like to think i wanted it too and not just did it for him. At the same time, the other day he said “hed been wanting to sleep with someone else” and i felt really perplexed by that comment. I think the gray area that we are in and the instability of our relationship makes things feel in the air, which i dont like.

    August 14, 2018 at 12:12 pm #221471
    Prash
    Participant

    Dear rubia2018,

    Just offering another perspective.

    “because i thought everything went so well. It was a beautiful night, with beautiful people who are so sweet to me and uplifting, we all enjoyed it.” A beautiful moment was there as a result of so many antecedent things and when it ended it was just a moment that passed, something which you did not want to end yet just like all moments it had to pass. Impermanence. The passing away of the moment is maybe what caused the drained sensation and emptiness that you feel.

    More such moments will come. Maybe with the same person, maybe with another.

    The way forwards is through taking care of what you need, to start doing more things for yourself, to avoid giving the key of your happiness to others.

     

    August 14, 2018 at 12:40 pm #221479
    rubia2018
    Participant

    that last sentence makes total sense to me. thank you.

    August 14, 2018 at 12:41 pm #221481
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear rubia2018:

    You are welcome. What is clear is that you don’t like his comment and you don’t like the relationship being in the air. Personally I don’t know of any (heterosexual) woman who after experiencing an intimate moment with a man does not want to cement that moment in a solid contract of sorts, something grounded, not floating in the air.

    * will be away from the computer for about sixteen hours. Do post again anytime you’d like, with more of your thoughts, feelings, and hopefully positive developments.

    anita

    August 14, 2018 at 12:42 pm #221485
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * didn’t reflect under Topics

    August 14, 2018 at 9:00 pm #221547
    Prash
    Participant

    Dear rubia2018,

    Thank you for your response. Your boldened “thank you” has helped in kick starting my day pushing emptiness out of it. 🙂

    August 15, 2018 at 4:38 pm #221667
    Bunny
    Participant

    rubia2018, sometimes the moments we live while they are absolutely perfect chase us for longevity with disproportionate certainty. By your description, it seems like you are stronger than you think except for you are sensitive enough to want something nice that might possibly not last long enough. Your sensitive self has dominated you during the intimate moment and when you were done, the stronger you was pulling back you to the ground reality. It’s an essential combination of self control that many people lack and drift away (most of which they regret way later than necessary).

    One suggestion is to constantly be yourself every moment. Just like feeling happy, feeling off or weird is part of you and is because of you. Listen to yourself and let your story flow. Take a deep look at yourself in the mirror and you will start seeing that whatever you are feeling right then will be much more clearer. The moment you understand yourself, emptiness disappears like a layer of dust.

     

    Bunny

    August 16, 2018 at 5:47 am #221701
    rubia2018
    Participant

    wow bunny, that really hit me. i guess you are right. as a gemini i def have two sides. thank you for the kind words. 

    August 16, 2018 at 5:47 pm #221827
    Bunny
    Participant

    You are welcome!

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