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I think I need a rebrith. I believe I need to change myself completelty.

Home→Forums→Tough Times→I think I need a rebrith. I believe I need to change myself completelty.

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  • August 27, 2018 at 7:54 am #223189
    K.P.
    Participant

    I think my life has been full of mistakes, stupidity and failure. My name si Kiran. I’m 18 years old. I’m intelligent but the decisions that I make are most of the time stupid, dumb. Sometimes I feel like two different people are living in my body: one who is very focused, determined and optimistic and the other one who is lazy, pessimist and my goals start to seem impossible.

    I hate completly who I am now. I want to change completely.

    I’m very lazy, impulsive, insecure, dependant, immature, average hygine and grades, no hobby, goofy, lack of fashion sense, shy, short height, bad nutrition and health. I’m neither fat nor thin. I feel depressed and lonely. I feel like nobody wants me. I don’t see any future for me. I don’t feel at peace with myself.

    I’d like to be well educated, intelligent, mature, lose weight, healthy, active, fit, well dressed, high grades, more confident, estrovert, more deeper, always prepared, focused, peaceful, successful, independant young girl.

    I’m a perfectionist so I’m obsessed.

    Please HELP me!!

    I only know how to make wrong decisions. I want to be a sophisticated girl who knows what she’s doing and why. And always having a sense of decision and knowing what she wants.

    I’m willing to do everything to get a better version of myself.

    August 27, 2018 at 8:55 am #223247
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear K.P:

    The first and most difficult thing to change about yourself is this: “I’m a perfectionist, so I’m obsessed”. You have to change your incorrect belief that it is possible for you, or for any human,  to be perfect.  You have to learn to be gentle with yourself for not being perfect, for not functioning perfectly. And you have to learn to be patient with the process of learning and improving yourself.

    Neither you nor anyone can always be “very focused, determined and optimistic”. You are not a robot, a machine that can be programmed to always be a certain way. We can’t feel the same all the time, neither can we function as well all the time.

    There are things you can not change about yourself, your height is one that you mentioned. Can’t change that (other than wearing high heel shoes, I suppose). There are things you can change relatively easily, of what you mentioned, these would be your hygiene, fashion sense, nutrition, education (at least academic education), activity level.

    And there are things you can change but it will be more difficult to do and more time. Of what you mentioned these would be: “lazy, impulsive, insecure, dependent… no hobby.. shy… health.. lose weight.. fit.. high grades, more confident, extrovert, focused, peaceful, independent”.

    Back to patience, you will need lots of that. Can’t tackle everything at once.

    anita

     

    August 27, 2018 at 12:25 pm #223273
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi KP

    This may sound trite however Henry Ford was correct when he said – “The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.”

    If you are doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different outcome, repeating what you measure as being the same mistakes over and over again then you need to step back and ask yourself why. From the list you provided its clear you know what you want and also clear that you have some level of self awareness of what is keeping you from achieving your goals. – Laziness and perfectionism.

    Perfectionism can be an excise for laziness. If I can’t be perfect, why try? An excuse to perfectly avoid risk and failure, which is what perfectionism amounts to – a fear of failing and change. And like all such fears it creates itself, failure. (he mistake we make over and over again) Its possible then that your goals are not goals but dreams, if only’s, fantasy that you don’t really intend to work towards.

    In your title you mention the idea a rebirth. A practice of mindfulness and meditation might help you center yourself. At some level each breath we take is a rebirth, every inhale life every exhale a death, every breath a possibility of reincarnation. You are not your thoughts, you are not your memories, you are not your emotions, you are not your judgments, you are not your body…

    How Micro Habits Can Help You Reach Big Goals

    August 27, 2018 at 7:00 pm #223317
    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Kiran,

    You mentioned “Sometimes I feel like two different people are living in my body: one who is very focused, determined and optimistic and the other one who is lazy, pessimist and my goals start to seem impossible”.

    Feed and nourish the part of you who is focussed, determined and optimistic, give that part a lot of your attention; starve the other part, learn from what it has to say to you but don’t allow it to grow.

    Do things slowly. Don’t pressurize yourself. A tendency to feel this way is when there has been some negative event or a series of them around you. Is that the situation?

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