Dear Charley:

Dysfunction like what you are experiencing is common, in the workplace, at homes, in governments, anywhere and everywhere. An unfortunate reality. My suggestion: look for another job but expect dysfunction there as well, hopefully less of it. If there is no dysfunction, let it be a very pleasant and welcomed surprise!

Abuse, like yelling, that is unacceptable. The yelling supervisor has to learn to not yell when he is upset. As an employee it is not part of your job to be yelled at! Assert yourself with him and tell him that he has to stop yelling at you.

Again, it is unfortunate, but part of the job of most people is to successfully deal with dysfunctional management as well as dysfunctional co workers while keeping an eye and ear open for better jobs, better positions, better companies, better work environments.

anita

Sorry to hear that you’re going through such a tough situation, Charley. Your supervisors shouldn’t be treating you like that at all. I’d also struggle staying calm and understanding!

You deserve a joyful work environment, helpful colleagues and competent supervisors. As others have suggested, you don’t HAVE to stay at this job. You can always look for another one. If you’re exhausted with “toughing it out”, being upset with work and feeling drained, this might be the best choice.

On the other hand, you can seize this situation as a valuable learning opportunity.  I agree with Anita that asserting yourself is necessary. You attempted to do so by “hinting” at the unresolved problem, but you should be more direct about standing up for yourself. Muster all your courage and tell your supervisors in a firm yet calm voice what’s not working for you. They might dismiss you again, but don’t let that deter you. They need to know that you won’t let them walk all over you. Collaborate with your colleagues by agreeing on calling out your supervisors’ irrational behavior. Power in numbers.

Unfortunately, you can’t just “drop your negative reaction and become indifferent”. You’re human. But what you can do is observe your negative reactions, notice what triggered you and become more resilient. Self-awareness is key to managing your emotions and feeling more in control of them. To avoid being hit by a “ton of bricks”, or absorbing your supervisors’ fear and anger, you can first try some grounding exercises here: 10 Ways to Calm Down Intense Negative Emotions.

Most importantly, evaluate your well-being, Charley. How much are you willing to make things change in your current worplace? Or do you need to get out fast so that you can avoid going crazy?