Dear Risha:

You are welcome. I shared quite a bit about me in my many, many postings here on these forums. As far as my age goes, I am in the decade after my forties, the one right after. Regarding the person I mentioned who betrayed me, I finally ended all contact with her a few years ago.

Regarding the email you didn’t send yet to him. You felt better after expressing your feelings there because your feelings matter to you. The problem is that if you send him this email and you don’t receive a response from him that expresses that your feelings are important to him, you are likely to be disappointed and hurt once again.

One reason counseling/ psychotherapy works when it does, is that the therapist listens attentively to the client, indicating that the client’s feelings are important. This gives the client relief and the hurt and anger diminish over time, in that empathetic, attentive setting. Imagine you went to see an unempathetic therapist, that would harm you, not help you.

Same principle here, you will be sending your email, expressing your true feelings to a person who doesn’t care much, reads to me. I mean, he cares about choosing what is convenient to him and what is convenient to him is to not think about how you feel, to not want to feel empathy for you. Because feeling empathy for you will inconvenience him.

What do you think?

anita