This is my first time posting here but I’m just so angry at my best friend right now. I’m just trying to figure myself out and try to deal with this. This isn’t the first occurrence. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been irritated at my best friend mostly but at my other friends and I frankly don’t know what it is. I hope people can read this and help calm me down or try to figure out what I need to do to make peace with this anger.

To start, I’m about to graduate college and I’ve done well. I have good grades and did well on a standardized test for the graduate program I plan to apply to. During this time, I developed a friendship with my best friend over our college career. We’ve always been super close to each other and he’s frankly one of my closest friends to this date. I’ve told him so much about myself that I think he knows everything same with him.

These past few weeks I’ve just been tired whenever I see him or don’t feel like talking to him. This is why I am here. It’s just him though. Maybe one or two other friends but just him mostly. I’m very happy to see my parents, professors, and other friends but not him.

I hypothesize a few things.

One is that we are both on the same path (this goes for others I am angry at). What that means is that we both plan to apply to the same type of graduate program and so maybe it’s competition?

Second is that I’m annoyed when he belittles my effort. What I mean by that is. I know he will take a couple of days to study for an exam. But this past week we took 2 exams together and he scored 2 points higher than me and he laughed at me and said “Wow, I only studied one hour and did better than you”. I just went off. I was annoyed before seeing him but after that I went full on livid internally. I didn’t say it aloud but I felt so heated inside because I know he studied a few days but he always acts like he barely studied. It’s so infuriating because I’m open about how much I study and stuff.

Third is that he also belittles my resistance. For applying, we need to talk about whether we felt out financial status impacted our path to graduate school so I mentioned I’d be applying and writing an essay about that because I came from a rough neighborhood that didn’t have great educational opportunities and also that I’ve had to face certain hardships mentally due to my financial status. However, to him what financially disadvantaged means is that I am starving or homeless or something and that annoyed me today too. I don’t even know.

Fourth, we’re not seeing each other after this year. I’m taking a year off and he’s applying straight into the graduate program and will probably get in and start right after we graduate. I will take a year to work and take a break from school. Anyways, maybe my brain is unconsciously protecting myself from having to deal with the separation from someone who I’ve been so close to for so many years.

Overall, we’re still close. We joke a ton. Even today. We made a ton of jokes with each other but it’s just those things I mentioned that super angered me. Is it just realizing not everyone is perfect and people will say things you don’t like and you just have to accept that? I’m so angry in my heart. Not infuriated. Just so irritated

Tl;dr: Angry at friend for some things he says. He’s still a good friend overall but I’m so angry at him at times. Sigh.