John,

It is extremely difficult for me to speak of or disclose the details around our break up but let’s just say it was down to a ‘difference of opinion’. Difference in opinion which lead to a very traumatic experience for me. The whole time around the trauma was full of anger, resentment, complete lack of communication and others almost fighting our battles on our behalf.

Prior to this our relationship was literally perfect. Literally.

Before meeting my ex I was happy on my own. I was completely enjoying single life to the full. I was a confident woman who knew exactly what she wanted and I wasn’t prepared to settle for any less. I loved my life. He popped up unexpectedly, out of nowhere and exceeded my expectations of ‘what I want my next partner to he’ completely.

I actually had a conversation with my mother for the first time today about ‘the trauma’ which she witnessed me go through throughout the summer. Naturally, seeing your child go through such a thing means there is a sour taste left regarding my ex. But to my surprise she mentioned earlier that it is such a shame as she’s never seen anything like our relationship before, she mentioned it was very clear that we were meant to be. He was my best friend. We bounced off of one another like something I couldn’t even imagine existed. We never argued. The relationship was full of the ultimate trust. None of us ever questioned anything.

Perhaps another reason why it is so difficult for me to come to the conclusion of letting go..

I am trying to learn a lot about forgiveness at the moment for my own sake mainly, but perhaps it too will help along the way of a possible tronciliation. Although I do want to continue working on myself and my ‘addiction’. Along the way I have learnt that I have an anxious-preoccupied attachment type, this shed a lot of light into my behavioural patterns, particularly now that I am somewhat broken.

I have a lot of work to do!