This is a long post . I don’t know where to begin but I am in such pain that I don’t know where to start. I guess it’s best to start with background.

We are Middle Eastern/Indian descent which matters a great deal in this context as u will see.

I am a high level healthcare executive and I’m in my thirties . I have 2 kids from a previous marriage. One of my kids has cerebral palsy and is severely disabled . I love him more than myself and would do anything for him . I also know that this was a huge cause of the rift between myself and his mother . The stress was too much for our relationship to survive .

6 years ago I met the love of my life . She is and was my true soulmate . She is 10 years younger Than me , and it was a chance encounter that strikes me with how random it was . When I met her it was like a thunderbolt for both of us. Instant attraction . The more we talked we realized how much we are alike . We have the same religious background, same cultural background and she has a brother with disability.

For the first time in my life I felt at home . Understood . Valued . At ease . Happy . Bliss .

Very quickly this infatuation turned into real true love that has now lasted 6 years .  6 whole years.

We have dealt with highest highs and the lowest lows together with each other by our side. We have never let each other down.

In our culture and our family dating just isn’t really done. It is marriage or nothing .

This relationship has a remained a complete secret to everyone . My family and hers and no friends know.  We protect each other’s privacy to protect each other from parents or family , more for her than for me. It’s hard but I live with it bc I love her and I understand.

Because I was older than her and she was much younger and I had kids , we early on talked about how difficult it would be to be together in marriage . Her family would never accept me .it was a known fact . She wasn’t sure she could handle being a stepmom , and she would worry it would cause a irreparable rift between us .

Despite that , the heart speaks louder  than the heart at times and neither of us were willing to let go of someone we think is truly perfect to us .

We have had 6 years to know everything there is to know about each other .

She is now at the age where parents really push for her marriage and there have been potential suitors that come and for whatever reasons they haven’t worked out.

Now , her parents have found a person for her . Completely arranged. She has no love for this person but knows he is a person that her parents will like. She loves her parents and family very much and will never go against them . I know this and I knew this from day 1 . As did she know about my children and everything . Yet we both gave our entire hearts to each other . Countless hours of conversation and shared moments .  She is to be married in 6 months .

I don’t know At this point what to do . How to break off this relationship , how to move on , how to let go of the love of my life when there is no anger or frustration on my side toward her , only complete love.

The hardest thing is that in some couples the breakup is because of the person. With us our separation has nothjng to do with us, we are blissfully happy with each other, it’s the situation.  I don’t blame her for wanting to make her parents happy. It’s what people in our culture just do . I know also and I understand that In our culture , marriage is just done , love is not the main motivation , she wants to have kids , family ; settle down . We talk about  these things openly.

She has said and I have said that we will never find such a perfect person for each other and I believe that too. 6 years to know this .

For me there is so many emotions : loss , jealousy , pain , sadness.

But I don’t know how to break this relationship off . She doesn’t either.

My questions i need sincere help with dear readers are :

Do we continue until she marries him ? Do I break it off now bc I know the future ? Or do I just enjoy the time I have with her ?

How do I stop obsessing over thoughts of her with her future  husband, details about her marriage that give me pain just to think about bc I used to daydream it would be us.

She knows and I know I am not a typical “ other man “ in the sense that I will never try to destroy her life , will always keep her female respect and dignity ( key in our culture ).