thanks anita for seeing that i wasn’t exaggerating or looking for attention.  My feelings are 100% real. they hurt and i’m in anguish more than not.

Accept what happened to  not happen again.

I am trying to do so.  I’m trying to be happy for what i did have for the time i did.  It is very hard developing a new relationship with knowing that those feelings are possible and can exist between two people.  Very hard to not want to purse something if they are not as intense as before.

I will try though.  I’m going to see my relationship through and if nothing improves in my heart in a few months then i will have to end this and learn to heal more before i can try again.  I feel so pathetic, because as i type this, i still have that freaking hope.  That hope that someday, some how…  I’ve even thought about him and her getting married and down the road that not working and then somehow, we meet again.  It’s stupid. unrealistic.  a fantasy.  I know that.  I’m so hopelessly in love with that woman that I feel i can’t ever dismiss the thought of us never happening again.  That in itself causes me to be miserable and not enjoy my life now.  I do hope i can get better.  This is no way to live.