John, I totally agree with Anita that this thread is keeping you stuck. Commenting here has even drawn me a little backwards in dealing with my feelings for my ex, so I am going to back off on commenting, too, because I agree that it’s hurting more than it’s helping.

I also like the example she used because people really do often do this same kind of pining with material items they think they just HAVE to have to be happy and then once they get them, they find they are happy for a bit and then their feelings level back to their baseline. Think about something you might have done that with in the past and how you felt once you got it and for how long.

It really is just the FEELINGS she gave you that you are after, and I totally believe it’s possible to find that connection with someone else and those feelings in other things. So while you don’t have to give up the hope of feeling like that again at some point, you should give up the desire to find those feelings specifically with your ex. She isn’t the only channel that you can get those feelings through.

I honestly think, instead of venting here, you should consider going back to counseling where you can have an active dialogue with someone in person who can help you figure out what techniques will work for you…. maybe even a counselor who can give some classical conditioning techniques to help retrain your pattern of thought… OR maybe just not talking about it with anyone for a little while might help.

• This reply was modified 6 years ago by Valora.