Hi Again,

You need to reframe the story to anyone who asks/talks about it.

It wasn’t just your brother. It was a GROUP of boys. And the parents of the girl who just wants to forget about it has chosen your brother TO MAKE AN EXAMPLE of because it was his phone.

Here’s some context: In our town this kid got expelled for something outrageous. It’s only a few years later and I forget what it was. And in fact, I thought it was a different kid!!

Another context: One of my sons hung out with a bunch of kids. I HATED them. All of them were up to no good. Five years later one of the kids that I hated (HATED!) went up to me apologetically. He said, “I got my Eagle Scout merit badge, Mrs. Inky”. It was like a penance.

Instantly the kid was REDEEMED! Now I see him for the mature young adult he is than the kid who got my kid in trouble long ago.

Trust me, in a few years your brother can say, “Yeah, I really made a bonehead mistake and was the one that got in trouble for it.” If he joins the Scouts or a Youth Group people will know he is so much more than one stupid mistake. Make sure he gets in the paper for some charitable/awesome thing he does.

And as for you and your mother give the whole neighborhood a big dose of cognitive dissonance (a fancy term for making them think they’re crazy). Become MORE social. Hang out with friends that will still talk to you. Throw PARTIES at your house! Show your faces around town! Join clubs! Committees! If anyone gives your mother a hard time she should say, “It’s a shame about all those boys and my son got caught up in it. That poor girl.” Hold your heads up! The town will think that what happened wasn’t that big a deal (though unfortunate) and may even turn on the other family for drawing attention to it.

They are all running on rumors, remember. Your brother is under age, so none of this is really on public record. Every year change the facts. He was twelve. Another boy stole his phone. No, you’re thinking of ANOTHER kid with his last name. No, that was that OTHER kid that looks just like him. No, your brother was just the fall guy for the group. There was a party?

Hope this helps!

Inky