SCGB,

I believe in honest, direct communication.  You can approach him by saying that you need honesty and trust, that you know that he lied at that time and worried that you won’t be able to trust him.  That he slept with someone else at that time is not the issue.  That he lied about it is.

Frankly I would not move in with someone else after one year especially with children.  I would get married before I do that but that’s me.  Do you expect to get married or would you be happy just living together without marriage?  If you do eventually want to get married then I would not move in with him with your children.

Mark

Dear SCGB:

This is what you shared about your boyfriend/ the relationship with him: his wife cheated on him, and his marriage ended July 2017. The two of you met on Tinder, had your first date December 22, 2017 and were intimate on that first date. The second date happened the day after Boxing day, Dec 27, 2017, you cooked dinner for him. On the second date he told you the night before was an early night for him “in preparation of seeing (you)”.

Six months after first date, summer 2018, the two of you introduced your respective children to each other, and by this point, it was the best year together, Dec 2017-Jan 2019 (current time). The two of you share 50/50 custody of the children with respective ex spouses and “We all get on… Our boys will always come first”.

From what I understand he told you that sometime during Christmas 2017 he had sex with another woman (“he said it was Christmas time”). What you figured out most recently is that he went out Boxing Day 2017 and it may have been 12/27, five days after your first date with him where the two of you were intimate, that he had sex with another woman.

*It is possible that his mother was wrong and it was not that particular Boxing Day that he went out, that it was not Dec 26, 2017. It is possible that it was not that day that he met another woman.

In your original post you presented two choices: “put my mind at rest… (or) Suck it up”. My answer: bring it up to him. It bothers you and you have the right and the responsibility to do what it takes, as long as it is reasonable, to put your mind at rest best you can.

Present it to him as simply as you can, without many words, in a straight forward way, not at all in an accusatory tone on one hand, but not apologetically either. Best if you can present it to him and then give him a moment, excuse yourself to the kitchen to make tea, maybe, saying to him something like: I’ll be back in a few minutes.

When you offer him that moment, he may stop you and tell you what he will, or he may take that moment. His response (or possibly lack of) will be very telling. If he accuses you for bringing this up, that will be telling. Whatever his response, don’t react impulsively to it and instead take it in and process it later. Post here if you want my input on his response.

I hope it goes well.

anita