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Reply To: I feel like i ruined my girlfriends life

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#279163
John
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How long is “quite a while,” though, months-wise?

 

I would say 6 months or more.  It wasn’t until about a couple months after she moved in that I started feeling the other way.  I think it was a combination of things.  Between now living with her kids full time, having to pretty much raise them by myself on school nights for 2-1/2 months because of her work schedule, now because she is barely working and I am paying her car payment and insurance because she can’t afford it.  (she does get almost $500) a month in food stamps now though so that is a big contribution).  And then there was/is the obvious.  My EX!  If she would of never contacted me again after my girlfriend moved in.  I know things would have been better.  In fact it was 3 months of no contact whatsoever from september to mid December and I was doing so much better.  I was focusing on my girlfriend and US!  I was feeling better about myself and us having a family.  Then Whammo!  My ex reaches out to me.  This last time really screwed with my brain in a bad way.  It’s almost like she can sense when i’m finally “moving on” like she keeps telling me she has and wants me to and then she can’t handle it so she gets involved in my life And says certain things that she knows will screw with my brain.  Just enough to make me question things and miss her.  I know if she wouldn’t have contacted me this last time in december I would be doing a whole lot better now.

I guess thinking about  it, them most time i have went without contact from my ex has been about 3 months.  After we broke up it was mid December last we talked, then in march for a while, then she stopped and blocked me again, then again in july, then she blocked me again, then august/september(that’s when my girlfriend found out and contacted her.)  then she blocked me again saying we are done and she (my girlfriend) can have me.  Then again this last December.   So confusing and it hurts.  Sorry didn’t mean to get all side tracked here….

I really think that the circumstances we ended up in played a big role in changing how I feel.  I guess I thought when the moved in that we would have more time together and $ would be easier on the both of us.  Instead it was quite the opposite.  When she first moved in, she was making good money.  However she was behind on a few bills and it took a while to get caught up(I helped).  Then there was xmas with 4 kids, friends and family that now has doubled in size.  Between all of that it kept us super tight on money.  I’ve always been one that stresses about money.  She is the opposite.  She would rather skip a payment or be late then not struggle and pay on time.  I’ve been trying to help her learn that if she does want things in the future that she needs to be good about her bills and expenses and not slack.

And now…  with me paying some of her bills and I cover all household expenses.  It’s getting hard.   I would love for her to cover her own and be able to at least pay utilities or something.  that would be amazing!  But she can’t.  I know she feels absolutely horrible about the whole thing too.  She is a mess.  If she could she would pay every one of my bills.  I know that.

What sucks is I would of done this for my ex without a thought,  without regret.  But my ex also didn’t have two kids that are a handful and keep us locked up at home 99% of the time.

Last night was good and bad.  Her son lost his shit in a bad way.  Lots of anger.  I ended up taking his door off the hinges so he wouldn’t slam it anymore.  She is trying to find counseling for him and hopefully something for him to take.  I swear he has some kind of bi-polarism.   until then though we deal.  Then her daughter is a drama queen.  Either throwing a fuss or crying.  It’s all very hard for me.  However my girlfriend and I were able to relax together for a couple hours which was nice.

I forgot where i even started with all of this.  I guess maybe I just needed to talk some.  I just wish things were different.  I wish she had a good job, m-f regular hours making decent money, and grateful kids with a place for them to go every other weekend so we could have our time.  I don’t know if I told you this, but the last time her kids stayed with her parents, her son flipped out my girlfriends mom told her that she will not watch her son again until he is better.  That’s pretty bad if his grandparent is done watching him.  He is just out of control.  i do worry about him.  But I can’t deal with this all  the time.

I need to get to work.  more later.  thanks