Well, we took a day trip yesterday with all of the kids to go play in the snow.  We didn’t have boots that fit her daughter anymore, and could’t find any, of coarse her daughter didn’t want to were her moms boots, cause they were too big, and then there was glove issues.  no gloves fit right or she didn’t like them.  So basically, my 8 yr old daughter gave her 9 year old daughter her boots and gloves and my 8 yr old wore rubber rain boots and shitty gloves and was all good about it and didn’t complain, she just wanted to have fun.  She did get cold but she toughed it out.

Meanwhile her daughter was being a premadona princess the whole time.  Then once we got to the snow her son acted up,  I don’t know what triggered him this time, but he got very upset and violent.  A few times.  Her kids pretty much ruined the day.  I hate saying this and don’t feel comfortable, but it’s true.  She (my girlfriend) even said.  “next time, i will find a sitter for my kids, or me and them just wont go”  She was in tears before we even left the mountain and cried most of the way home and last night.  She had me stop at the liquor store for her cause she was out of booze.  She got a pint of fireball also.  when we got home she started swigging on that pretty good as well.

I really need to talk to her.  This sucks.  It would be so much easier if she had her shit together though.   I know I need to end this, because she brings up things about the future, and all i can think is that there is no future, that i don’t want this anymore.  What i need and want she can’t give me and what she needs and wants from me, i can’t give to her.  I think I’m going to talk to her sometime this week.  I really don’t know how to start this conversation and what exactly to say.

I’m thinking of just telling her we need to talk, then telling her that this just isn’t working for me anymore.  That I do love her, however I feel unhappy more than not, I feel like i have to watch what i do or say and that I have ruined her trust in me too much to be repaired.  That i can’t have her question me anytime i get a message or email, and have her bring up feeling like none of my friends or family want her in our lives or  her analyzing everything.  cut and dry, i’m not happy, and I really don’t thing she is either.  I feel like our families just don’t mesh well.  Our lifestyles are too different.   Or something…  I’m really bad at this sort of thing.

any help in a better way to say things would be greatly appreciated.