Well, if anyone gets how you feel, it’s me. I’ve been thinking about my ex a lot lately too, and I wish we were able to talk more. I feel like there’s so much I want to tell him (mostly just random non-relationship stuff. He was my best friend). I would love to send him a message, but I also know that doing that would throw me backwards and make me miss him more and start reading into everything he does and says, and I still think he needs to come to me if he’s ever serious about wanting to be in my life again…. and I think the same goes for you, too.

I totally get how frustrating this all feels and that it would be so much easier if you could just let go and get over her completely, and I also get the feeling of just having this sense that there’s more to the story… that you will be together again. And I think it’s okay to feel those things. I also don’t think it’s something people can understand unless they go through it themselves. It’s just a different type of love, very intense but also comforting and somehow intuitive, so it’s a hard thing to get over because, once you’ve felt it, it’s hard to feel happy with any other type of love relationship.

The key here is to be gentle with yourself. I’m expecting to have these thoughts and feelings right up until I either somehow end up back together with my ex or meet someone else who gives me the feelings that he did. The same probably goes for you, there, too. You can’t help how you’re feeling. It’s just how you feel. So instead of fighting it, just embrace the fact that you are still capable of loving someone even after they hurt you and that she gave you something you needed, and you’ll probably feel this way until you meet someone else who gives you that feeling you need. Sometimes acceptance of those things helps with some of the suffering because you’re not fighting yourself so much. You should still do your best to curb the thoughts and redirect your focus, but try not to get so frustrated with yourself when you do think about her. If you keep having a hard time curbing the thoughts of her and keep feeling frustrated, though, it might be time to see a therapist for help with that. Even just for someone to talk to. Just probably go to a different one this time if you felt like the last one you saw didn’t help.

I watched part of a movie this weekend on Hulu about a guy who gets invited to an ex-girlfriend’s wedding. He goes to it, but he’s still very much in love with her and spends the whole movie daydreaming and being sad and awkward, and it would be awful to be that guy.  So although you should accept your thoughts and feelings about her for what they are, it’s also a good idea to keep working towards seeing the situation for what it is at the current time and working on putting it in the past.