Yeah 🙁  Breaking up with someone is a really hard thing to do. I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do, but it’s just one of those things where you just kind of have to rip the band-aid off. However, I think you’re right to not do it a couple days before she starts a new job.  At the same time, though, I don’t know if I’d wait too much longer either. I guess you’re just going to have to keep playing it by ear and be careful not to make plans too far into the future. If she talks about wanting to make any plans, I’d just tell her you don’t want to and you can even use that time to tell her you are having doubts about your relationship and don’t think you should make any plans because you aren’t happy with how things have been going.

this is so incredibly hard to do.  It’s funny cause when my ex-wife left.  She just left, we were done.  No hard feelings.  It was easy.  Now it feel worse and more difficult.  I don’t understand.

Was your ex-wife more independent? Your girlfriend seems very codependent so it’s likely you feel more needed and it feels like you’re breaking up with someone who can’t get along without you, like a child, which feels mean… but it’s not mean. She is a grown woman and it would only benefit her to learn to stand on her own. But if your ex-wife was different and more independent, then that’s why that one was easier. You probably knew she’d be fine and she knew that, too.

Give me strength for this.  I need it.  If I know one thing about myself it that i’m a lover not a fighter.  It is very hard for me to not feel bad and sacrifice my own feelings and needs for others.  There are many time i wish i was one of those people that didn’t give a crap.

I’m the same way… but here’s the biggest thing I’ve learned about sacrificing your own needs for others. When you’re sacrificing to make sure others are okay, in spite of your own needs, it tends to blow up in your face later on in a BIG way… because it deteriorates your health. If you kept on the road you’re traveling, sacrificing just so she won’t feel hurt, it will only get worse until the point where it just all explodes. So it might make you feel better short-term to not have to hurt anyone, but long-term it’ll make everyone more miserable. And that’s why that’s counterproductive.  Self-care is putting your own needs above others’ wants to make sure that you are emotionally healthy, and that is a very, very important thing to do. Self-care should be a priority for every individual.  I also want to point out that being with you doesn’t seem to be very healthy for your girlfriend, either.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Valora.