You ask a great question. In relationships we tend to react to a situations more then we respond to it.

When we react to a situation there is usually more going on then just the event occurring in the moment.  Most of us will react when something about the current situation triggers something from the past. In most cases this is often something subconscious that we don’t want to deal with. No better way to keep from dealing with a past hurt then to create drama in the present.

One of the purposes of relationships is to heal the past. If its not a purpose is most certainly something we will use our relationship for. To do this we will unconsciously recreate the past only this time having someone we trust work through the hurt and doing so heal them.  The trick to healing the past we bring to the present is to make it conscious. Making our issues conscious allows us to respond to a event vice react.

Its interesting that you said “He laid out on the table at the beginning of the relationship what he needed from me and I pretty much ripped all of those things and threw them back in his face.“  He basically told you how to hurt him which you did. Is it possible the past your trying to heal is one in which someone you loved left you or couldn’t give you what you needed and a part of you perhaps feels it was your fault, that you weren’t good enough?  So now when in relationship you subconsciously recreate the past by creating scenarios were you push those you love away from you hoping that they will stay and prove you wrong. Only until you make something like that conscious and take ownership of it (its not about your partner) will you stop reacting.

Unfortunately, it takes 100 positive “at a boy/girl” to overcome one negative experience.  So we push and push those we love away no mater how many times they reassure us… until we decided to stop or we create what we feared, the false reality that something is wrong with us and were not good enough, everyone leaves us…..