Veronica,

You are asking for input.  Whenever someone acts in a way that they are sorry for, I look for not only an apology but reassurance that they won’t do that again.  See below for one approach in an apology.

 I’m trying to make sense out of how can someone be so sweet, caring, talk about planning a future with me, travel with me but then turn around and be cold, disrspeful, and ignore me.

You can interpret his actions another way, i.e. he is protecting himself emotionally or he can feel ashamed on the way he acted or he is afraid in damaging the relationship.  Regardless, there could be a myriad of reasons why he is behaving this way.  Relationships are maintained and grow based on how well you trust and communicate with each other.

Here is a way to apologize and perhaps that will help get the communication flowing again.

Mark

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How to Apologize Appropriately
In in the Journal of Psycholinguistic Research, psychologists Steven Scher and John Darley present a four-step framework that you can use when you make an apology.

Step 1: Express Remors
Every apology needs to start with two magic words: “I’m sorry,” or “I apologize.” This is essential because these words express remorse over your actions.

For example, you could say: “I’m sorry that I snapped at you yesterday. I feel embarrassed and ashamed by the way I acted.”

Your words need to be sincere and authentic. Be honest with yourself, and with the other person, about why you want to apologize. Never make an apology when you have ulterior motives, or if you see it as a means to an end.

Timeliness is also important here. Apologize as soon as you realize that you’ve wronged someone else.

Step 2: Admit Responsibility
Next, admit responsibility for your actions or behavior, and acknowledge what you did.

Here, you need to emphasize with the person you wronged, and demonstrate that you understand how you made her feel.

Don’t make assumptions – instead, simply try to put yourself in that person’s shoes and imagine how she felt.

For example: “I know that I hurt your feelings yesterday when I snapped at you. I’m sure this embarrassed you, especially since everyone else on the team was there. I was wrong to treat you like that.”

Step 3: Make Amends
When you make amends, you take action to make the situation right.

Here are two examples:

• “If there’s anything that I can do to make this up to you, please just ask.”
• “I realize that I was wrong to doubt your ability to chair our staff meeting. I’d like you to lead the team through tomorrow’s meeting to demonstrate your skills.”

Think carefully about this step. Token gestures or empty promises will do more harm than good. Because you feel guilty, you might also be tempted to give more than what’s appropriate – so be proportionate in what you offer.

Step 4: Promise That It Won’t Happen Again
Your last step is to explain that you won’t repeat the action or behavior.

This step is important because you reassure the other person that you’re going to change your behavior. This helps you rebuild trust and repair the relationship.

You could say: “From now on, I’m going to manage my stress better, so that I don’t snap at you and the rest of the team. And, I want you to call me out if I do this again.”

Make sure that you honor this commitment in the days or weeks to come – if you promise to change your behavior, but don’t follow through, others will question your reputation and your trustworthiness.