coconut,

A way to shift things in your life is to shift how you view yourself.  Focus on accepting yourself, who  you are at this moment.  You already noted what you don’t like about yourself but make sure those are things that YOU want to change rather than feeling you have to change because of others.

Be aware of your language for our words help shape our reality.  Using words about your feelings like “stupid,” “inadequate,” “clumsy” are judgement words rather than feeling words (check out Non-Violent Communication for a list of universal feelings and needs.

You talk about not wanting to pretend and say to yourself that you are beautiful or intelligent.  How about telling yourself what things that you have done “well” in for the day, i.e. a daily self-appreciation journal/affirmation exercise?  You are re-programming your neural pathways from habitual negative thinking to something more positive.  This approach is based in science.  Instead of making up something like you are “beautiful” you can affirm yourself with noting something you did concretely like saying you took care of yourself (which is a good thing) by making yourself breakfast or that you put yourself “out there” by being vulnerable by posting here on this website (therefore you are courageously vulnerable).

Mark