dear Anita,

How well put, this is exactly what it is.

She wanted to escape from this self-critical voice.  If she saw it in others, her own self critical voice, her own reality, she would want to push those people far away.  She could not handle the “truth” – truth being the self-critical voice.

She did make up things in order to sooth herself, convince herself things to drown out the self critical voice.  She then fed my sister and I these “values” these made up delusions.

So as an adult, I navigate this world with these delusions.  Unlike her, I am functional, and I don’t consistently run away from self criticism — but on the contrary living a life of delusion.  Not knowing the true definition, of love, support, morality, or meaning of life.  Not knowing the true definition of what it is to be a good person, partner, and content human being.

Her abuse in many parts was this pushing away of this self-criticism.  But as a result she also changed the idea of what my sister and I thought was right and wrong.  It became normal to approach life in this way, and not face issues with any sort of coping. It became normal to live in fear, and believe anything and everything – as we were taught only lies to begin with.