Dear Anita,

The work is happening and I love it.

I had a dream, or something of that sort, right before I woke up.  It was my father talking to me, scolding me, as an adult, in real life at this age – as though  Iwas a child.  At first glance it felt normal, obvious – this is what happens.  But as I began to “awaken” more whether it was awaken from sleep – or in my dream…I thought of this:

my parents “tried” to raise a good child, not a good adult

I read this last night before falling asleep.  In reality my parents didn’t really try to raise a good child for the sake of the child – but that we know.  But in terms of this dream, and my point this morning – I was treated as a child.  I did not know this.  I thought it was caring parents.

In this dream my father is scolding me, big red bulging eyes – anger – fire steaming.  I am there, crouching slightly as I am scolded.  At the same time there is a twinge of guilt and sadness in my fathers eyes – almost saying I am so angry but so sad! I don’t know what to do – how to react – but ROAR.

My father – was angry from a world of repressed emotions starting from his childhood.  It is a fact, and the way he treated us was as an “adult” if it was convenient – but as a child if there was something that made him uncomfortable – which happened the majority of the time.

I of course struggle with many adult things i.e. how to balance a marriage, focus on my husband – because I was raised as a child, the whole time.