Dear Anita,

Good morning. Today I am writing to you first thing in the morning. The reason being is that I read your last post. You had read my mind but I had not even read the post. I was about to go to sleep and I felt some heaviness, a little bit of that dread that we talked about. My husband came in to bed and I did not feel like sleeping or resting because my mind was buzzing. But I was mindful, and I rested my head on his chest, I let all the thoughts wash over me. I did not judge myself for not being truly relaxed in this moment, as I know that is too much to expect. But, the true notion of this sort of bond is very important. Perhaps sometimes even if we don’t feel fully relaxed in the brain if we bring ourselves to rest and bond and this way it is still quite therapeutic. It was. I skipped my morning yoga session today that I tried to do on Wednesdays. Today I feel the need to ease into my morning a little bit slower, perhaps take a shower that is more than five minutes, perhaps make myself a cup of tea. Usually my mornings involve running from one thing to another and then to the subway to work. Anita, I know I am doing the hard work and I appreciate it. Because of it I am noticing the differences in my mind and my levels of tiredness, and I am adjusting my life. This is exactly what I want to be doing and I am completely content with our work.

As far as those questions you asked me, I will leave those to another time. I don’t want to get carried away with speaking about work/the wellness center idea. I know that everything is into related, but at this time our current conversations and the exercise are supremely important to me. I can’t begin to tell you how much it is unleashing, not in the way of terrible intense emotional release, but just a feeling that there is a part of my brain opening up that has been repressed for a while. It feels very good and important and necessary and it is happening in the perfect way. I am having vivid visualizations of parts of my past that make me feel very human. Are used to wonder why I couldn’t remember many things, or access emotions related to old memories. It is because they were oppressed. Anita, I am now reminded that I am human/ and able to access those just like everyone else so to speak. It is incredible what “exercises” can do. It is good. Shall we continue when you are awake and ready. Or speak in any way. I hope so. I had a nice cup of ginger tea this morning, perhaps you will start your day with some tea as well.

I feel a tenderness towards you this morning as I read your last post. You were worried about me, this brought a tear to my eye. You were worried about me because I am doing so much work, and you are right. And do you know what? perhaps only you can appreciate it. I feel thankful that you can because that’s there are certain days where we all need this reminder – that we are working hard. So we also need rest. And at the end of the evening without you telling me/or reading it – I took that rest. Progress and sinking in.