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Obsessed with someone who doesn't want me

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  • June 10, 2019 at 5:34 am #298227
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I met a guy on a dating app and I found him very attractive and we got on well. I met him a few times and slept with him early on. As I did this I told him I wanted to be with someone exclusively. He kind of said there was a chance we could be together and kept contacting me.

    He then seemed to back track and encouraged me to date other guys. I ended up confronting hhim and telling him no more . He told me didn’t want a rship with me. But I feel devaststated. He has blocked me after I was honest with my feelings. I feel so bad and have sstarted to mull over a few things he has said. Hd said I would be okay with a few tweaks. It is clear he thought he could do better. I have poor self esteem as it is and he is one in a long run of guys who don’t work out. I never feel good enough for anyone.

    Last time I reached out , he ignored me and I feel a fool. How to I forget this person and feel good enough ?

     

     

     

     

    June 10, 2019 at 5:55 am #298229
    lindsey
    Participant

    Kay,

    As someone who has gone through similar things, it’s not you that is the problem or needs tweaks.  You are most likely picking the same type of men, therefore the same thing happens. It is so difficult to be happy with yourself and who you are I know this first hand.

    I do not suggest reaching out to the this guy again.  You may want to look into counseling to address the self esteem issues as that is the key to moving forward and finding the right person for you.

    Lindsey

    June 10, 2019 at 6:12 am #298231
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Kat,

    For one thing, I would ditch the dating apps and the guys that do them. It reinforces the consumer culture/entitlement/instant gratification mentality. Don’t be fooled: He’s saying you could use a few tweaks because he’s bitter that not everyone swiped right over his mug.

    This is what will happen and my wish for you (it happened to me): One day years from now you will run into him. He won’t be “cute” anymore. He’ll most likely be a Sad Dad. A saggy OR paunchy middle aged guy. Bonus! Bald. He won’t be telling ANYONE that they could do with a tweak here and there for fear of being laughed at.

    He will see YOU: Confident. Beautiful. Happy. Arm in arm with a handsome, good natured, tall husband who, (Bonus!) has all his hair and is clearly mature yet still has a boyish look about him.

    Sad Dad will kick himself over the one that got away.

    Carry yourself like you were the one that got away (which is true!) and carry on!

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
    June 10, 2019 at 9:27 am #298285
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kat:

    Having read your previous thread, you are now 28 or 29, living at home with your parents who dominate your decisions, so you wrote, and you have a job you referred to as a dead end job, a few health issues. You wrote that you never had a healthy relationship, one guy told you that you were “hot but not good enough to be a girlfriend”, and this more recent guy told you that you “would be okay with a few tweaks”.

    My advice:

    – Attend to and take care of your health issues best you can, do what you can do to make it better.

    – Move out of your parents’ home and live away and independently of them in every way.

    – Do not have any kind of sex with a man until and unless an exclusive relationship has been established, which I figure would be after at least a couple  of months of getting to know each other.

    Once the man says something disrespectful to you, such as you are not good enough to be his girlfriend or you need a few tweaks, end the date right there and then and do not see that guy again.

    – Attend psychotherapy/ counseling if possible for you so to manage and heal from your many years of anxiety and depression.

    anita

     

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