Dear Anita,

growing up is what is needed. It’s the first thing that I thought about this morning. I was woken up by the dog abruptly at 5:45 Am. When I had a nice deep sleep (hardly ever happens).

I was angry. Not annoyed – no full on angry. My husband mumbles something about how we have to wake up soon and I said NO!!

no we don’t its an hour early.

I am sick and tired of putting rest second. This is not a rant against my husband but out loud. My dog wakes up on the dot at 6 am daily. He is trained this way because of our early schedules. Of course. He’s a dog. He’s extremely time oriented and “work” oriented as though he’s on a schedule on a farm!

Anyway ive had trouble sleeping for years. Usually staying asleep. I can never fall back asleep after being woken up. That’s why things like being woken up in the middle of the night for whatever reason get to me after a build up.

On the weekends we hardly sleep in as our natural clocks are programmed to wake early. Regardless there are some days we sleep past 6 or so if we stayed up late the night before.

We bought an automatic feeder for the dog that is programmed to release the quantity of food at a certain time. Used it in the past but was loud and not ideal. We usually are awake anyway at that time so it wasn’t helpful.

Yet the other night my husband was on call and was woken up twice around 2 am, I too woke up. I couldn’t fall back asleep until around 4 am. And was able to go into work later (yesterday). Yes of course the dog (who I love) wakes me up at 6.

I remind myself how we need to restart the automatic feeder for days like that where I could actually have slept in.

I found myself angry this morning. Not at the dog of course, but my husband. He often says things like, oh it’s fine we are up anyway when the dog wants to eat.

I felt angry at him for diminishing how important even an extra half hour or hour of sleep is to me / us if and when we could get it.

Cali Chica is tired. So tired. And she doesn’t have the best sleep. So if she can preserve it somehow she will. She has to.

So it sounds silly and likely it is. But I felt angry at myself for keeping the door open last night so the dog could jump on me at 5:45 when I could have slept at extra hour. And angry at my husband when I bring up the automatic feeder he mentions we are usually up anyway. Well what about when we ARENT!!!

it goes back to preserving energy.

Time and again we give ours away. Away away. We have none left. To stupid people to random things, to that horrific wife that day before the trip, to the horrific cousin at the end of the trip.

Even on Saturday we were out with my friends, great group we decided to join their dinner. I was happy to and my husband and I discussed prior that it will be a good idea, versus knee jerk socializing. Yet the dinner ended late and I was ready to go home. My friends all said okay stay for just a little longer. I felt firm in my head that I was tired. Knowing I can’t sleep in naturally anymore after all the years of early mornings, staying out late can get to me after a while. Even if I am able to go without much sleep. I frankly don’t WANT to anymore. Anyway my husband was having a great time and continued to say cmon lets stay a little longer.

Of course it ends up being 2 more hours, sure we have fun hanging out at the friends apartment quality time talking laughing etc. but I don’t need to get home at 2 am. We are not in our 20s

i told my husband the next morning this. He said he agrees, he realizes he’s been feeling so stressed and burnt out that he subconsciously wanted to stay longer with that good group to chase some relaxation likely. I said yes I know I’ve been there. But nothing good comes out of it. Feeling good comes from a healthy lifestyle. Staying out late screws up more for us than others even. Next morning waking up at 6:45 am and hardly having sleep and then Bam it’s Monday crazy work week and he’s on call.

I talked about how we both need to grow up. No not grow up. GROW THE F UP.

We don’t have the liberty to act like children, letting random people in to our inner circle. Giving our energy away like candy. Not having boundaries for our own energy. Now this is about both of us not just one of us.

So now this morning. When I wake an hour too early. When finally finally I could have actually slept in longer – for once having nice deep sleep. I am pissed off.

Tired from staying up until 2 am Saturday and not making up the sleep. Tired from being woken up multiple times Monday night because of the call phone calls. Tired.

So yes I want that automatic dog feeder set up. I want the door closed every night so the dog will not sleep with us anymore. My husband says why are you bringing all this up at 5:45 am. I say because I am sick and tired. And I need to preserve sleep first and foremost.

Yes does it sound like crazy angry person at 5 am. Sure. But maybe it’s a long time coming.