This is long and bit complicated, will do my best.

My husband and I have been married for almost 18 years, we have two kids together. We are both from the same country, but he is of a different religion(Islam) and I don’t follow any particular religion. I grew up in a Hindu and Christian environment and my family never forced or made us follow any religion, we were allowed the freedom to be ourselves and have always co-existed peacefully and still do. I went to temples and Churches, celebrated diwali and Christmas. When we dated, I met his family..we got along very nicely. I believed everyone co-existed as my family did……then it got serious, we decided to spend the rest of our lives together. I was asked to change who I am to become who they think is better for me and the kids. I politely refused, nor would like our kids raised in such an environment. Don’t get me wrong, I understand this is what they know to be true, so they are following it. Love is my religion and humanity is one family, I believe there is goodness in everyone..but not everyone is one the same level and it not easy to live in such a way.  They don’t like that me and the kids do not follow Islam or a religion of ‘the book’.  My husband is not on my side, nor support us. I feel as though I am on the bottom of his list of people he cares about and love. His extended family comes first, he values their opinion, my opinion or feelings are not important or of value to him and his family. They talk negatively about me to certain people and painted such a horrible picture of me. My husband is always finding faults with me..after religion issues then he became bothered by the fact that I had a few relationships in the past, and wasn’t a ‘virgin’. As  he puts it, “you are not a wife I can be proud of”.  He is always finding faults with me and everything I do..there have been moments when we are happy and loving together, but doesn’t last for more than  a week, then he starts with the same negativity towards me, he actually looks around the house for something that is not done according to his liking, just so he can get angry with me and hurt me my feelings. I dread going to his family gatherings and vacations, but we still go. He talks negatively about me with his family and they do the same about me to him..then he comes to me and gets mad at me..that his family complains about me. Whenever his family have an occasion and we already made plans, we have to cancel our plans for his family. When we had kids we made an agreement to keep religion away from the kids and just let me be, as a result my kids didn’t attend any family functions at temples or churches. I kept up with the agreements. Now for the past few years his family have been having functions at their place of worship and they keep asking me and the kids to go and I refused, this causes so much problems. The kids never had a close relationship with his family, they never felt ‘loved’ or appreciated. The kids never felt comfortable sleeping over there and will not go without me. The used to ask for the kids to spend few days with them etc..they went once and never wanted to go again. I will not force our kids to be in a environment where they do not feel comfortable.  Our kids have a closer bond with my family, as we used to live with them, they helped to raise our kids from birth. Now that the kids are older, they don’t even want to go his family’s occasions or vacations..but I still encourage them to go and make an effort and it is making things worst, because the more I encourage them to go, the more they distance themselves..the kids wont’ communicate with his family much because they say, they have nothing to talk about or have many things in common to talk about. Now his family is complaining to my husband about that too, it never ends. We just came back from a weekend getaway with this family, the kids greeted them with hugs and kisses etc..they always do..the regular how are you etc..after that, they kids were on their devices and didn’t interacted much with this family, or they would just sit quietly. His family complained to him again and me and him had an argument again, then he talked to the kids about it..basically told them that they have to try harder to communicate with his family and have a better relationship, so his family can be happy. He actually ‘blamed’ the kids for that, telling them things like, “why are you like this? What is wrong with you? My family feels upset because you.. etc..etc..” He never tries to see things from our perspective, if his family says something, then automatically he takes their side, they must be right and we are wrong. Just to let you know a bit about the kids. They are very empathic, intuitive introverts. Can you imagine placing them in an environment where they are not comfortable and being blamed because others in that environment wants you to be something you are not? The kids had tears in their eyes, they felt so sad, stressed and bad about themselves that they are not making his family happy.  They felt suffocated being there, but tried their best to make an effort to go. The kids don’t even like being in their own home because they are not allowed to be themselves..that is why they love my parents place so much..they always want to go grandma and grandpas, they can spend months there and not miss home. When asked why they liked it there so much..they reply: ” because we are happy there, we feel free” it just breaks my heart. I never tell anyone about my husband and our situation, not even my parents..so I decided to post here otherwise I will explode and make myself even sicker with all this bottled up inside. So how do you deal with this situation, a husband that doesn’t value me or my feelings, one that puts his extended family first and always complains and finds faults with me. No matter what I do, or how good of a person I am, it is not good enough for my husband and his family.