I’m sorry if I’m making this conversation somewhat uncomfortable for you too, it’s not what I wanted to accomplish

but yes, what you said about my mother is true. And yes, my socializing history is a big painful mess, and a huge source of suffering for me cause besides a tiny group of friends that I’ve a bit outgrown, I was never truly successful at making friends. As you already know, I have encoutered episodes of bullyism and shame/embarassment triggers that still make me very uncomfortable anytime I have to interact with someone. I have lots of resentment towards some of my peers who treated me with coldness or indifference, and I have a history of feeling jealous and envious of others. I can be quite talkative and I can look spontaneous with others but often I feel like others can’t help but feel coldness or detachment from me or that I trigger people the wrong way, I don’t know

I like your analysis. How do you think I should help myself?