Dear Henly:

“how to stop thinking this way”-

1. “Sometimes people.. slightly slam doors”- when you hear a slamming of the door, say to yourself: this is not my father slamming the door. I am not at home with my angry father.

2. “Sometimes people.. have a more aggravated voice”- when you hear a person’s aggravated voice, say to yourself: this is not my father. I am not at home with my father.

3. When you notice that you “blame.. & convince myself they are angry with me… I go down a list of reasons of what I possible did wrong”, say to yourself: my father/ my mother was angry with me, and he blamed me. I was afraid a whole lot that I just said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing and he will be angry with me.

– in other words, when you notice that your past experience has been activated in the present, move your attention to those past events, assigning your present thoughts and feelings to where they belong- the past.

* I am assuming these interactions with your parents are indeed in the past, that you no longer live with them, no longer take care of them, and no longer being exposed in any way to your father’s anger and your mother’s manipulation.

anita