Dear Michelle

I have to hate him to breathe. I have to hate him to survive.

I love him. I still love him. I believed in our marriage and I believed in us.

I’m sorry for your loss.

My approach to your problem may be more philosophical as it concerns love and hate so I understand if you’re not interested. These are only thoughts.

A notion in the wisdom traditions is that there is a time for all things. A time to love and a time to hate. In this moment of time your realizing that its time for something other then hate but how to move past that?

We live in a world of duality and in the wisdom traditions it is identified with the problem of opposites. On the path of becoming, seeing past/through the problem of opposites is the last obstacles to be overcome. (Life will constantly present us with opportunities to confront the problem of opposites)

Here is a paradox for you… there is only Love. I know how odd that sounds especially as you come to terms with your experience of love and hate.  However,we learn by confronting the problem of opposites, which gives birth to consciousness, that the opposites are not ‘two sides of a coin, an either or, but intimately intertwined and connected so that neither exists on its own nor can they be separated from each other.  When opposites are experienced in this way, they ‘disappear’ and in that space… Love.

Asking you to work on getting to a place of saying YES to your experience of love and hate can seem mean and unfeeling. It is not my intention to discount your experience. I understand that when you’re in it, attached to it, its difficult to see past.

Buddhism suggest a starting place is the art of detachment and mindfulness.  Detachment is not indifference to the experience but remaining engaged in life as it shows up while not attaching a sense of self to the experience. You, your experience of SELF, is not your experiences. You are not your emotions, you are not your thoughts.  In this way detachment creates space to be mindful where you may better observe your experiences of Love and Hate – not the reasons you have for loving and or hating you husband – but your relationship to love and hate.

In time you might realize a new consciousness of love as it is, life as it is, and find yourself saying getting to a place where you can say Yes to it all.

I wish you Peace