Hi Janine,

Sure, I didn’t want to be friends with her…

So what if she had different expectations than you do about that? What if she wanted to be friends with you, had thoughts that you two would have a great connection, could read each other’s essays, walk to class together, or whatever? What if she stopped you one day with the sole purpose of establishing this connection with you, and you could sense this immediately, and it made you feel uncomfortable? How would you respond?

“I’ve got to get going. I’ll see you next Tuesday”??

Well, to some people that would sound like you shunning her, like you treating her “less than” or rudely.

My point is this: If you are going to put people on the spot with the intention of striking up a new friendship with them, you’ve got to be able to handle it when it doesn’t work out the way you want. It’s entirely possible that this guy had no intention of hurting your feelings. If you can’t accept the way a person responds to you when you put them on the spot, then don’t put them on the spot. There are better, easier ways of making lasting friendships.

B