Dear Gaia:

“admitting to a potential sexual partner I’m still a virgin..”- admitting, as if it is a crime or something bad that requires admitting it.

Let’s say you get to know a young man, enough to believe he is safe to be with and decent enough to not force anything on you, there is some mutual respect established, and you like him. And let’s say you are alone with him somewhere and he holds you hand or gets close to you, so you sense that he is indeed moving toward physical intimacy. What you do next, to make yourself more comfortable, is tell him something like this:

I am not experienced this way and quite tense about being alone with a guy. I know that I will not be having sex with you this evening, meaning my clothes stay on and your clothes stay on. I don’t want anything hot and heavy either, just a bit of closeness, holding hands, maybe a hug and see how I feel, if I feel less tense and more comfortable.

So you establish ground rules this way and you are in control of what happens and how much of what happens, happens.

anita