Dear Lindsey:

Congratulations for buying a condo, how exciting to be  moving there in March this year, two months from now!

Regarding the latest happening with the father of your two children: you can legally stop him from doing anything that is illegal. It is not illegal that he dates or introduces the kids to his girlfriend, nothing you can do about that other than tell him that you don’t feel comfortable about him leaving the kids alone with any person he just met, be it a babysitter or a girlfriend. Tell him to make sure he knows a person well enough, that the person is trustworthy, before leaving the kids alone with that person. (Also, gently and calmly, in a casual way, ask the children who they spent time with and how was their experience.

Also, that he needs to  keep his pick up and drop off times, just like you do. And that he should conclude his dates before the children are scheduled to be with him, so that you don’t drop them at a restaurant where a date is still ongoing!

Regarding his “classic ‘I’m a changed person now Lindsey. I’ve met someone that doesn’t treat me like garbage. I’ve worked out my issues”- no he didn’t work  out his issues, nor is he a changed person, because if he did and was, he would take personal responsibility for his issues instead of blaming you and spewing out the repulsive passive aggressive statements in this very quote.

Maybe it is a good thing for your children if this woman “becomes his primary focus”, because being his primary focus may not be such a good thing. For example, if he tends to criticize the person he is primarily focused on, and she gets to be his primary focus, then he will criticize the children less.

“What exactly is he discussing with her about me and my private things?”- let’s say that he tells her what he said to you, that you treated him like garbage, that he was an angel and you were the devil. Imagine when she learns from very personal experience with him that he is not an angel. She will then be thinking that you weren’t the devil after all. Maybe she will want to talk to you at that point.

You’ve done well purchasing the condo and doing all that you needed to do  to  make it happen. You are doing well remaining employed, staying out of disruptive sorts of relationships with men, K and M before him, and the long distance other man, so you are doing very well. Keep at it, and don’t let this very soon to be ex husband spoil your excellent progress!

anita